Remembering Ashok Pillai (1968-2002)

My online chatting with a good friend, Yhen, in the Philippines, was interrupted by a colleague in my organization. He said we were going to the meeting hall for five minutes of prayer. The immediate thought that came to mind was that one PLHIV has just succumbed to AIDS. I have come to learn here that when a member of network passes away due to complications of AIDS, they pause for five minutes of prayer to pay their last respect and then get back to their busy schedules. There is so much to do that if they take days to grieve for a late PLHIV will mean a lot of time taken away from those who are still living and striving to survive.

In the meeting hall all the staffs were gathered, on an oval glass table were two photos. One was a poster of a tall and fit young professional, in polished black leather shoes, slacks and white buttoned shirt and suspenders, hands in the pockets of his trousers, flashing a big smile his back leaning on an invisible wall. The poster said, "i'm 31, i have a successful career, i work out in a gym, i love to dance, i miss my flight sometimes and i have HIV for the last 11 years". The other is a framed portrait of an older man who seemed lost in thoughts, with just a hint of a smile in his face. His hands were clasped under his chin.

I've not met these two men but i have become familiar with their faces because both the poster and framed photo were displayed in the meeting hall. I knew that both men were living with HIV but i didn't know that the one in the poster and the other in the picture frame was one and the same man. The pictures were taken two years apart but there was a sharp contrast in his miens. It was Ashok Pillai, one of the founders and the second president of Indian Network of People Living with HIV (INP+) who passed away on April 19, 2002. In 2000 Ashok Pillai was very healthy, but the virus eventually damaged his immune system entirely. At 1 pm on that day in 2002 he had a seizure while working at his desk and perished at 4:30 pm. He was 33.

I soon realized that we were commemorating his death. Senthil, the vice president of INP+, himself living with HIV for the last 8 or 9 years now gave a short speech in Tamil about Ashok Pillai, then he invited everyone to bow our heads and say our silent prayers. ( As an atheist, i couldn't pray, don't know how to pray but i bowed in silence as well). Then each of the staff were handed white candle for us to light and offered to Ashok Pillai. (I think that was the meaning of it). Senthil asked one staff to say something about Ashok Pillai in English, for the benefit of us two VSO volunteers.

Bit of what he said: "I have heard of Ashok Pillai and I didn't know what he looked like... When I joined INP+ i was led to what was going to be my desk, I was told that it was Ashok Pillai's. It was where he worked and died. At the time Ashok Pillai died anti-retroviral therapy (ART) was already available in India but not for free. ART then cost from Rs15,000 to Rs.50,000. Although he could afford it, Ashok Pillai refused to take ART even when his CD4 count dropped to and all-time low of 10, and vowed that he wouldn't for as long as the government was not giving free ART to millions of Indians with HIV who could not afford the cost. Seven years after his death, with continuing advocacy efforts of INP+ about 2 lakhs of the members (200,000) are getting free ART from the government."

The staff then sang solemnly "we shall overcome, we shall overcome one day. we shall overcome, i do believe in my heart we shall overcome one day". The ritual ended with sweets distributed to all the staff.



file photo from INP+